Grumpy RPG Column: The Sexy DC Comics Relaunch

Episode 39: The Sexy DC Comics Relaunch/DC Comics Porn-Verse

• A special episode airing sooner so as to be topical.
• The DC Comics Relaunch
• "Sexual" female characters
• Catwoman
• Acererak and Baba Yaga lower the tone
• Grumpy thinks the DC Universe has been combined with a porn-universe.
• Acererak and Baba Yaga say no.
• Grumpy rants long and loud.
• That's what she said.

Grumpy RPG Reviews: Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon, Part 5

Episode 37 – Conclusion

• Venger shows up for game night with Acererak
• A brief history of the show
• A warning again nostalgia
• While the premise is good, the rest of the show has not aged well over the last 30 years.
• Conclusion about the heroes
• Conclusion about the villains
• The Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon gets a 10 on a d20 roll.
• Episodes worth watching are Dragons Graveyard, The Box, City on the Edge of Midnight, the Lost Children, Child of the Stargazer and Valley of the Unicorns. You can skip everything else.

Final Thoughts;

• The show’s set up really is quite good – it carries shades of the Odyssey, a strange adventure to return home – and that at least would be good as a hook for an entire campaign.
• Maybe it is just me, but the entity “None Dare Speak Its Name” in Dungeon at the Heart of Dawn resembles Horde Prime from the She-Ra/He-Man Christmas Special. Which creature came first in terms of design and airing?
• Compare the finale of the Avatar series, Sozin’s Comet Part 4, series to Dragons Graveyard. In both episodes the Big Bad of the show is helpless, they are even held in a similar position. However, all the Avatar characters struggle and sacrifice until the end, unlike Graveyard were five of the kids just watch the conclusion unfold. Further, the Avatar heroes have eliminated the threat of the villain, while in Graveyard the villain goes free after some useless scolding.
• I dropped a number of jokes to keep the installments to reasonable lengths. One for Vegner commented on his sex appeal. It would have gone something like “Be careful in searching for images of Shelia and Venger as some of the fan art for the two is explicit.* There is of course, Internet Rule No. 34 – there is porn of everything on the internet. (Insert images of the crew of Star Trek the Next Generation). Everything (insert images of sports stars) Everything. (insert image of office furniture). But Venger? Really? The dude has skin the color of yogurt that’s gone bad, doesn’t have a nose, may not have lips, announces what he’s gonna do more than a TV chef and last but not least can’t out fight, out think or generally out do a group of adolescents. So, really, where is the appeal?”

*(This is true, by the way.)

Images: D&D... the Drinking Game!

Bobby, 10 years after the end of the show...

The "Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon Drinking Game!"

Take a shot whenever:

• Venger says "Fool!"
• Any kid says "Dungeonmaster!" in a tone of utter surprise when the little guy appears.
• Any kid says "He's gone!" in the same tone after DM disappears.
• Hank says "Oh no!"
• Sheila says "I'm worried"
• Uni repeats (in bleats) whatever Bobby says.
• Hank repeats the gang's mission.
• Hank says, "Come on, guys!"
• Eric proves what a klutz he is by tripping and/or falling.
• Eric says he wants to go home.
• Eric makes a reference to his rich parents.
• Diana says, "Let me try."
• Sheila says, "Bobby, no!" or "Bobby, don't!"
• Bobby ignores his sister.
• Bobby threatens Eric.
• You hear that wonderful aiiiiiiieeeeaaaagh! scream that belongs to the phantom kid. (is it Presto? is it Bobby? who knows!!)
• Venger misses with a spell (you'd think that he'd hit something once in a while . . .)
• An orc grunts instead of cutting one of the kids in two with his sword.
• The kids ignore Uni's worried neighing and get into trouble.
• Venger figures a really corny way of avoiding the words "kill" "death" or "dead." ("And she shall dream no more...")
• The Cavalier, the guy with the shield that makes him practically invulnerable, hides behind someone else.
• Bobby stupidly charges at something a million times his size (Tiamat).
• The kids or the show make a Star Wars reference.
• You wish Hank would just shoot the unicorn so that annoying whining would stop.
• You, personally, would have kicked the crap out of the DM before he could tell another annoying riddle.
• The kids save a kingdom or befriend a king, but are penniless the following episode.
• You wonder why the kids didn't run around collecting extra weapons from the Dragon's Graveyard (note: does not have to happen while watching said episode)
• You wonder how the kids are getting enough protein in their diet when they never seem to catch whatever-it-is that they're hunting for lunch.
• Presto's hat does something pun-ish.
• Hank's bow proves to be the all-around-best-weapon.
• You wonder why Venger's head doesn't tilt to one side all the time.
• The kids almost make it home, but decide not to.
• You wonder why they bother. It looks like fun, doesn't it?
• Venger, conqueror of the Realm, loses to six kids and a baby unicorn.

Special: An Test of the Grumpy Broadcasting System

Just a test. The videos for the D&D Cartoon series were more work than the podcasts require - but then simple podcasts would not be sufficient for the nature of the series. However, I am flexible. What do you think of this format for regular reviews?

Grumpy RPG Reviews: Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon, Part 4

Episode 36: Worst, Odd and Best Episodes of the Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon

• Worst Episodes
• Explosive Allergies
• Odd Episodes
• Best Episodes
• Azathoth
• Conclusion

Videos: D&D Cartoon Silliness

This is more or less, Queen Zinn in the Garden of Zinn episode. Yeah, okay, Zinn is not a red head, but still.

Also, possibly a better break down of the show than I am providing....

Game Content: Hysterical Mob

I employed this in a game where the scenario had the party members in a crowded temple – every square occupied by something or something – when the thatch roof caught fire. As good characters the party could not simply hack its way through the peasants and commoners and escaping the mob proved to be one of the most interesting challenges of that game session.

Challenging Terrain: Hysterical Mob

A mob of panicked or angered humanoids functions like a challenging terrain. It prevents movement, inhibits line of sight and potentially damages any creature in the mob. It is not possible to take 10 in a mob.

Moving through a mob requires a successful Acrobatics or Athletics skill check, starting at DC appropriate to the party (Refer to the Skill Check Difficulty Class table under Encounter Settings in the Dungeon Master’s Guide) but increasing by +1 for every turn they are in the mob. Success means the PC moves through the mob as though it were difficult terrain. Failure means the PCs are unable to move. Further, every round they are in the mob requires a STR or DEX (whichever score is higher, depending on the character) check against the DC of the mob. Success means they remain standing, failure means the actions of the mob knock the character prone. Anyone who fails under the crowd is dazed for the remainder of that turn and remains prone until they can stand. Standing requires an Acrobatics or Athletics skill check against the mob’s DC + 10. Anyone in a mob, standing or prone, potentially takes damage – checked against the character’s AC – for every turn the character remains in the mob.

Situation and Potential Damage

Standing or Moving 1d4+1

Being Knocked Down 1d8+1

Prone 1d12+1

Note: If the mob is capable of making additional attacks of any kind, it may do so at any time at the discretion of the GM.

Grumpy RPG Reviews: Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon, Part 3

Damn. I am making second try at this as I bungled it the first time, by not paying attention when I uploaded the episode. I appreciate your patience.

Episode 35 - Villains of the Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon

• What do the villains say about Hollywood Land thinking in 1980?

• The Orcs (and bullywugs and lizard men by extension)

• Nightwalker (which I mistakenly call Nightstalker)

• Kelek

• Acererak says he and Kelek were on the same bowling team.

• Warduke

• Acererak says Warduke spent most of money on body oil to make his muscles shinny.

• Shadow Demon

• Kareena, Venger's Sister

• Venger

• Venger and the Evil Overlord List.

• The Dungeon Master (yes, he is on the villains list)

• An answer to the question, "What do the villains say about Hollywood Land thinking in 1980?"

Videos and Images: Bad Men

Fiction: A Baker’s Dozen of Vignettes

Hindsight is 20-20, they say. For all the good it does you now, you wish you had not had that drink at the party. You looked forward to the party as a chance to meet people, have some fun and maybe even get laid. You enjoyed yourself and met some interesting people – including the stranger missing his right eye who offered you a drink.

You think about this as you move stiffly down the broken road, looking for someone – anyone – to talk to. At this point, that would be deeply reassuring. It turned out to be a hell of a drink and it knocked you on your ass. It made the room spin and faces swim through a murk that sprang up from nowhere. And you do not know if you have visions, dreams or both…

Grumpy RPG Reviews: Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon, Part 2

Episode 34: Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon Protagonists.

• Baba Yaga cosplays as Diana.
• Hank the Ranger
• Diana the Acrobat
• Eric the Cavalier
• Presto the Magician
• Shelia the Thief
• Bobby the Barbarian
• Uni, who appeared in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
• Character Sexuality
• Conclusion

Upon review I made a couple of mistake; (1) the characters do uses the weapons directly against an enemy, such as when Hank uses bolts of force from the bow to know away lizard men. However, this is rare.(2) Second, I mispronounce a couple of names, including the title of the Citadel of Shadow episode and Cosar, Diana's apparent soul-mate. However, editing this episode was a bear and I did not want to have to rerecord the audio and edit it all together again.

Videos: D&D Music 'n Stuff

Game Content: The Tower of Silence (Area)

Home for the city’s gravediggers’ guild is a solemn, nearly featureless slate gray tower which matches the uniforms of its members. Crows and ravens frequent that gray tower.